Stacie Connors Life Coach

Hope for the Holidays

Stacie — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 03:22:05 +0000

As much as we may love our families, sometimes things they say or do leave us feeling less than great. Many of our negative beliefs about ourselves and the world were formed in childhood when we spent most of our time (unvoluntarily) with our families. The negative feelings we have toward certain family members are often deep rooted and difficult to let go.

When we are heading out to our family gatherings this holiday season, it is important to remind ourselves that we are in control of our thoughts and reactions. Refuse to give anyone the power to ruin your day. If a family member is extremely critical or talks about subject matter that disturbs you, don’t react. Take a step back and realize that the main reason this person is doing this is so that they can feel better about themselves. This is their problem not yours. At this point you can also choose to remove yourself from the conversation if possible , or change the subject. In addition, you can prepare yourself ahead of time for these situations. If Aunt Susie always gets on your case about not being married or your weight problem, be prepared to start talking about a positive situation that is going on in your life. Don’t get caught up in their web of negativity. These people want a reaction from you and when they don’t get it they may just stop.

The Bully Problem

Stacie — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 02:36:15 +0000

October was bullying prevention month. For a problem to attain it’s very own month dedicated to it’s prevention indicates that it is worsening in epeidemic proportions. This is a very serious issue and has caused many children, teens and even adults to take their own lives. If you are a teen that is being bullied or a parent who suspects that their child or teenager is being bullied, it is extremely important to keep the lines of communication open. No one has to tolerate being bullied. Seek out the help and assistance of professionals that can help you to navigate through the situation and reclaim control over your life. In the meantime it is helpful to remember something that Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”

It’s Never Too Late

Stacie — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 02:26:23 +0000

Is there something that you have been wanting to do but feel like you are “too old” or that it’s “too late” ? Many people decide against pursuing a new career or a new hobby for these reasons. It is important to realize that these “reasons” have usually been planted in our heads by the media and society. We must look at these reasons objectively and expose them for the illusions that they are.

Unfortunately we live in a society obsessed with youth. We use every cream and perform every procedure we can to stop the hands of time. Most women plan their lives around their biological clocks and as a result marry people they aren’t even in love with just so they can produce a child (which they may or may not be ready to have) If you are 50 and want a child, adopt! It’s not “too late”. If you are 60 and want to be in a rock band, go for it! Look at all of the rock stars who are still out there touring and giving great performances. It is not too late to learn a new language or learn how to dance or paint. When you don’t follow your heart , you are robbing the universe of your gifts. No matter how old you are, you always have something to share and express. Are we supposed to just lock ourselves in a room after age 25 and wait to die?! Life is meant to be lived. Live it to the fullest!

Balance

Stacie — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 22:12:03 +0000

One of the most common causes of stress is lack of balance in our lives. When the majority of your time and energy is being directed toward only one aspect your life, you can start feeling drained or even depressed. If all of your time is spent thinking about and doing your job, you may miss out on fulfilling relationships, good health, spiritual contentment, or the liberating feeling that comes from losing yourself in a hobby. The same is true if you spend too much time on any of these aspects of your life. If you don’t make an effort to find a proper balance, some areas of your life will be negatively effected.

Take some time out of your busy day and evaluate the status of the balance in your life. Consider all of the following areas of your life:

Career/Work
Education (There’s always something new to learn)
Relationships (Time with family, friends,significant other)
Spirituality
Hobbies
Health
Leisure (Vacations,doing absolutely nothing,relaxing..YES THIS IS OK! and necessary to remain sane)

Are you directing some time and attention to each of these? The amount that you give to each one is up to you. It’s whatever works for you and can also shift as your life circumstances change. For example, after you have children you may not spend as much time with your hobby. However that hobby should still be a part of your life as long as there is still an interest in it. Decide how much time that you can dedicate to each area of your life and really stick to that. Not only will you feel more balanced and less stressed, but you will be more effective in your day to day life.

Gates of Paradise

Stacie — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 20:54:08 +0000

The Gates of Paradise A soldier named Nobushige came to the master Hakuin and asked: “Is there really a paradise and a hell?”

“Who are you?” inquired Hakuin.

”I am a samurai.” The warrior replied

”You, a soldier?!” exclaimed Hakuin. “What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? Your face looks like that of a beggar”

Nobushige became so angry that he began to draw his sword,but Hakuin continued: “So you have a sword! Your weapon is probably much too dull to cut off my head.”

As Nobushige drew his sword Hakuin remarked: “Here open the gates of hell!”

At these words the samurai, perceiving the master’s discipline, sheathed his sword and bowed.

“Here open the gates of paradise,” said Hakuin

Paul Reps Zen Flesh, Zen Bones

Communication Breakdown

Stacie — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 23:40:39 +0000

So many of the problems that we have in our personal and professional relationships are due to poor communication. When we disagree with what someone is doing or saying, it is common to be focused on getting our point across and proving them wrong. At times we don’t even let the other person speak or justify their actions. Then there are times when we let them state their case, but are not really hearing what they are saying. We are convinced that we are right and that there is nothing the other person could say to change this.

The truth is that most of the time we only see pieces of the whole puzzle and we base our opinions on these pieces. While there is a chance that we could be correct, there is also a chance that we could be wrong. We need to let the other person reveal the other pieces of the puzzle to us. For example, if your significant other starts to come home late every night, you might make the assumption that they are seeing someone else. It’s possible. However it is also possible that they are working overtime so that they could surprise you with that new television you wanted. The point is that you should not judge a situation or a person’s actions without knowing all of the facts and you must give that person an honest chance to present those facts.

Do Your Homework

Stacie — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 17:58:07 +0000

So many people are extremely unhappy and dissatisfied with their careers. They drag themselves to work every day and count the days and hours left until the weekend. They are stressed out and complain to anyone who will listen. It is the lack of sufficient research prior to delving into a profession that is mostly responsible for this misery that seems to be so ubiquitous in the workforce today.

Everyday human beings are bombarded with messages from the media, family and friends regarding career choices. Professions in the medical and law professions tend to be held in high regard and promise prestige and an excellent salary. Meanwhile careers in the arts tend to be discouraged. Terms like “struggling artist” and “poor starving actor” are commonplace in our society. Those who have an affinity and interest for the arts are often encouraged to get college degrees in something else so they have something to fall back on. Essentially the message is that they will never be able to make a good living doing what they love. People take in all of these messages, often without even questioning their validity.

It is important for people to do extensive research about their career of choice. When they do, they will obtain a much clearer, accurate picture of what the profession requires. If the only information someone has about being a doctor is that they make a lot of money and are well respected, and then choose to pursue medicine as a result of this, they will be quite unpleasantly surprised when they are swamped with student loans, an extremely competitive environment, days without sleeping, and little to no social life .Goodbye hobbies! Having said this, if medicine is one’s true passion, then the sacrifices will be well worth it.

When deciding on a career, the following factors should be considered:

Passion: The most important thing to consider is whether or not it is one’s true passion. Career decisions should not be based on money, fame or prestige. This will only lead to misery. The question to ask is: If money was not an issue, would this career still be the one?
Education: Many careers require years of education. Is there a willingness to spend the time in school while possible giving up other things? Also, some degree programs require a large amount of research/writing assignments, while others base their grades mostly on tests. If there is a strong aversion to either of these, that needs to be looked at. It doesn’t mean that the career can’t be pursued, but special accommodations such as tutoring will have to be considered.
Sacrifices: While completing the necessary education and perhaps when working in the chosen profession, it may be necessary to give up hobbies or time with friends and family. Is this acceptable?
Schedule: Different careers require different hours. Some require working different shifts including nights and weekends. Some have flexibility with hours and allow work to be done from home, while others are stricter.
Environment: There are many different types of work environments and cultures. There are those that require frequent interaction and communication with co-workers and others that give more independence and less supervision. Which of these is more appealing?

After taking a close look at all of these, one can make a truly informed decision about the path that they wish to take. This should reduce the number of people commuting to work each day with a frustrated, disgusted look on their face.

Start questioning

Stacie — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 02:37:10 +0000

Most of us are walking around with thoughts and beliefs that have been thrust upon us by society. We are bombarded with messages from the media, our friends and family that tell us how we should look, think, feel, and act. We must look young, be thin, have lots of money, be in a relationship, have children……While there is nothing wrong with any of these things, it’s also perfectly fine if you don’t have them or want them. Your true value and happiness does not come from any of these things. It comes from within.

Unfortunately most of us are walking around with the belief that we are not good enough because we have failed to receive society’s stamp of approval for one reason or another. A very good example of this is the intense pressure some people feel, especially women, to get married and have children. Again there is nothing wrong with marriage and children, but there is also nothing wrong with being single and not having children. Sometimes people don’t even consider if marriage and family is what they really want. It is just something they feel that they have to go through with to fit in and be accepted by society. For women the biological clock gets thrown in their face and they think they better have a baby while they still can even though they might not be in love with the person they are with or emotionally ready to have a child.

We need to start questioning our beliefs and where they come from. I find it quite amusing that we would be furious if someone tried to force us to vote for a certain political candidate, yet everyday we allow society to tell us what we should want and how we should be living our lives. Only you know what you truly want and what is truly right for you. You don’t need anyone’s approval but your own.

Persistence

Stacie — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 02:50:28 +0000

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not, nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not, unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not, the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” -Calvin Coolidge

It can be very easy to give up on our dreams and goals when we just can’t seem to make any progress no matter what we do. This is not the time to give up; this is the time to work even harder with increased determination. When you do this, you will be surprised by all of the new, creative ideas that come to you. Before you know it, your dream will be your reality. As long as you still have a strong desire for something, don’t give up on it.

When Things Go Wrong

Stacie — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 02:04:05 +0000

It would be great if we could breeze through life without ever encountering any type of obstacle. Unfortunately, as you have probably noticed, this is not the case. When we are met with challenges in life, it is very easy to react negatively and complain about it to whoever will listen. There is nothing wrong with venting. It can be helpful , but only to a point. It is not going to solve the problem that is facing you. You can rant and rave and carry on as much as you want, but it will not change anything. It can be very tempting, especially when we can’t see an immediate solution to the problem, to give up and just let ourselves be consumed by our feelings of helplessness and sadness. When we find ourselves in this situation, we need to take time out and acknowledge that this is not going to help us. We must remain objective and allow ourselves to be receptive to solutions that may come our way. If there is no immediate action that can be taken to improve the situation, we must accept this and focus on the things that are going well in our lives.

When things go wrong, use these steps to guide you through the situation:

1) Accept the situation. By doing this, you prevent it from having control over you

2)Assess the situation. Is there any action that can be taken to improve it? If there is then

3)Act -take all actions possible to create a positive change

4) Achieve your goal of positive change

Sometimes we can’t do anything more than step one, but that’s ok because we are still taking control of the situation rather than allowing it to control us.